Dating

Ok, I have done the online thing for about 6 or 7 years off and on and I am still single.  I am slowly understanding that with my medical illness, I am no competition for a healthy woman of my age…I simply can’t keep up.  I am looking for a middle aged man to settle down with.  Most of these men want to travel and are more active in their daily lives. My match would be over 65, and I am not trying to date a senior citizen.  I find it odd that some men prefer to date women with medical issues or disabilities.  That to me is a red flag.  I am at a loss, except to think that I may just have to face reality…I may be single forever.  And at this point honestly, I am kind of ok with that.

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Bullies

Even at 37 years old I see a story about bullying and I am taken back to being 13 years old and hating going to school every single day.  Then in high school hating all church activities because of the bullies that I faced every Sunday and Thursday at youth group and choir rehearsal…the thing was they weren’t called bullies,  they were just mean girls.  Not quite sure why I was the focus of their attacks but I was.   I was a quiet girl and very sweet, I was raised to be that way.  Therefore, I really wasn’t prepared to defend myself and definately didn’t know how to.  My mom has since run into a young lady that made my junior high years hell.  They both knew who the other was and there was no ackwardness on my mother’s part.  Simply telling her that she knew who she was and that she used to torment my baby as she stood their with several of her own.  She apologized to my mother for what she did and went on to inquire about me.  I truly believe this girl hated me with all her being in the 6th and 7th grades.  Why would she care? I got through those years and it was hard, but ultimately, I now understand, that the issues are with the mean girls not the nice ones.

Joseph Kony

After watching Kony2012 all I want to do is help.  I am not financially able to assist myself let alone an organization.  Like always, I think that everyone else will help and I don’t have to.  Interesting enough this is different, I do want to educate myself on the situation in Uganda, which I’m ashamed to state that I don’t know anything about.  But once you know better you do better.  There are reports that what the invisible children organization is doing is wrong.  Any effort to shine a light on a person who needs to be stopped can’t be wrong….can it.  Are there other ways to stop Kony, I am sure there are but for 20 plus years not one has been implemented.  30,000 children have been abducted, raped, mutilated, and killed.  Something needs to be done.

Today was a good day

For the past two days I have been unable to put weight on my right leg, due to combination lupus and acl tear.  It’s weird because you get used to getting around and not having flares for awhile and you get a bit spoiled…then reality hits. It’s days like yesterday and the day before that I am so thankful that I have my parents to help me out.  But it makes me aware that that won’t always be the case.  It is scary to think the thought but it’s reality.  At 37, I know it’s time to gain more independence and obviously my prince charming isn’t making an appearance in this plotline sooooooooo it’s on me, myself, and I.  On another note, Nick Cannon diagnosed with a form of lupus…I am sure he will be a survivor and hoping he will draw even more attention to the disease to help all lupies.

Bennie

April 12 2011 is a day I will never forget.  It started no different from any other, going to work and not expecting anything unusual.  Per new office policy there were to be no cell phones out or in use at your desk.  My phone rarely rang at work anyway, so I was shocked when I checked it on my break and had 4 missed calls and 2 voicemails.  Both messages were from doctors caring for Bennie, who at the time was my off and on boyfriend for the past year.  The messages left knots in my stomach, something that I’ d never felt before.  I called the attending doctor, he rambled and rambled with information and finally I blurted out “He didn’t die did he?”  Yes, Mrs Haggins, he did.  I loved this man more than words could say.  There were many reasons why we would never be together but I am truly honored to have known him and as much joy as I think I brought into the last year of his life, he no doubt changed mine.

My sister.

I must say I am the luckiest girl in the world to have a best friend like my sister.  I thank God everyday for blessing me with her.  To have someone that I can tell absolutely everything to and know it will never leave her lips and I will never be judged.  My  life has taken alot of unexpected turns and no matter what she is there for me in every single way.   LYSM Angie.