Today

Well what is going on with me “today”???  Besides being exhausted, having body aches, nausea, dizziness, insomnia, headaches, depression, a limp, rashes all over, and a moon face, really nothing. I’ve been having more conversations with myself about my future and what I expect of myself within the next few years.  I will be 40 in two years and the two years leading up are going to be memorable.  I am tired of just existing….it’s time to be living.  That may be my new motto.  Life is too short to not leave the house for weeks.  Even if I am in pain, I will fight through and with my sunblock, let the sun shine on my face, but only for 10 minutes because I may flare.  I tell you it’s always something with me and Lupus.  My lupus flares are sparked by sunlight, exertion, stress, and simply doing nothing in some cases.  My current medicine regiment has pretty much been the same for 10 years, with the exception of a few changes here and there.  In total, I take 8 pills in the morning and 9 at night and insulin once a day. I am finding out different side affects on a sometime daily basis.  I am looking to get into a support group for lupus, why it’s taken me this long I really don’t know but the important thing is that I am ready now.  It is a scary thought to open up to strangers about something that I consider extremely personal, but I am aware that talking and listening begins the possibility of teaching and learning. Ummmmm another possible motto.  Love.

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