I never know

Everyday is different for me physically.  All week I have felt no pain, no nausea, no dizziness, no nothing.  Then last night I felt it, the aches and pains resurfaced, the feeling of being alone and no one knowing how it feels to have a chronic illness.  It is a very lonely feeling and unless you are unfortunate to be afflicted you will never understand. I remember when I was first diagnosed, I would be told “You don’t look sick”,(youdontlooksick.com) WOW, I would think, that is so bold, but it was true, one day I seemed to be my old self and the next had aged maybe 40 years joint wise and that is hard to understand.  That is lupus, it is unique and mysterious. Which makes it hard to manage.  I will never forget after receiving my handicap placard, which made life alot easier for shopping trips by myself.  There was an older woman that, as I got out of my car stated “You don’t look handicapped to me”  I simply replied, “Thank you, doctor”.  You gotta find humor from somewhere.

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