October 12, 2011 was the last day I worked at a job. I say it that way because I have worked since then but unfortunately without pay. In therapy, I work, in everyday tasks, I work, so working for me hasn’t stopped and I assume it never will.
I am in the process of filing for disability and I am now in the appeals process because I was denied. Denial is the norm for 90% of applicants of disability, so it came as no surprise to me or my lawyer. In the meantime, I am fortunate to have a family that can financially support me and I am not in a position where I’m pushed to re-enter the workforce.
But, that can only last so long. As an adult you need somesort of independence and a sense of my own space and privacy as a woman. It is difficult because there are days when I do need someone to do simple things like fix my breakfast because it’s to painful to move. Well I will have to find the strength to do it, it comes with being independent. I am still a chronically sick person that will need help from time to time the rest of my life. And I am grateful that I know who I can depend on, no matter the hour or circumstance, they are there for me. As bad as I want to move, I have no idea where the energy is going to come from. I can barely move from my bed to the bathroom, I’ve gone from bathing everyday to every other day…ok maybe tmi, but I am an open and honest chick, there is no other way for me to be.
I want a life, does that mean dating, being social, absolutely I miss all of those things. An even scarier thought is that I’ve forgotten how to do these things. I am sure it’s like riding a bike, you never forget. One thing I do know is that I won’t need my dad running behind me holding on to my seat which now is a bumper…..
even though he would if he could.