I have to say no

July 4th, email from eharmony, it’s a free communication weekend and we have found your match. Ignore ignore ignore, but then my curiosity got the best of me so I clicked on the email and looked at the matches profile. Ok he was interesting & seemed to have himself together, but unfortunately I had to pay to see his picture & I am broke. So we played phone tag but I had had knee surgery and was recovering. So we never actually spoke. So basically, I met a guy online and because of complications after knee surgery I can’t pursue it right now. I let him know and he understood and wished me well and that I get better soon and to hold on to his number. UGH…I know things happen for a reason but wow, my timing sucks. But honestly I am not ready to date and really didn’t expect our interaction to progress so fast. I am getting used to being single and dealing with my medical issues in my own way & it is hard to think of having to share this with someone else. So for now focusing on me is first priority and that is what I am comfortable with.



Tomorrow is another surgery for me. This will be my third on my knee.  I am having more problems because of my chronic illness and medications that cause me to not heal like your average bear. But it is cool, it is my life and I’ve learned to roll with the punches. I have constant support from my family and my close girlfriends are always awesome. Especially my lupie sister, Stacey, she is almost an extension of me because we go through alot of the same issues. I am nervous, I am not going to lie, but it is in God’s hands, the best hands. I haven’t written in awhile, I really don’t know why, I really haven’t felt inspired or motivated. My life is headed in a different direction. I am able to do things that I never dreamed of and it’s exciting. Still dealing with lupus everyday dampers it just a bit, but I am learning to really appreciate my good days. It is a process but I am coming along. I feel as though God is handing me a new life on a platter with a note stating “What are you going to do with it”?  My cousin, Keith, recently died and he suffered an accident years ago that unfortunately ended his marriage, his career, and ultimately his life. But while he lived he truly lived. We were not close but we had a connection that I believe we both felt. I mention him because, I want to live my life because he can’t, I am here and he isn’t.  There is a reason for that. I had no clue this post was going to go in this direction, but I type as I feel. Wherever my mind goes is where my fingers go. Some people don’t understand blogs and writing online and sharing with others. I try to explain in this way. For me, I am unable to get out and socialize alot and this is my way of keeping that part of my life alive. And I love to write and it is therapy for me. What I do is not for everyone to get and I don’t get what others choose to do. We all simply do what makes us happy and makes us feel good and hopefully have no regrets. Well, maybe a few regrets that at least we can live with.