It’s been too long.

Where do I start. I have had a total knee replacement as of November 2013, recovery is going well. Now I am having to undergo another surgery on my ankle on my left foot that has been affected by lupus. This is not the worse thing in the world. But it does suck. I heard earlier today that a girl that I knew growing up died from cancer. She had a promising career as a lawyer, was active in the community and touched many lives and now she is gone. I can’t help but compare myself and my life to hers. I have no major accomplishments in my life I am not active in my community and I continue to live everyday. I will not question God and his divine plan for each of us but I know it makes me want to do more to make an impact somehow. I was in the process of moving out when I found out about my ankle surgery. The recovery is 6 weeks with no weight on the foot. So fortunately living with my parents is still my option. I will be 40 this year and I was hoping to have my 40th year on my own, even if it’s only for one year, I wanted that time to myself, but the man upstairs has other plans for me. I am a patient person, especially when it comes to medical setbacks. I have come to accept that in most cases it will be the worst case scenerio when it comes to me, because that is my history. I also know that even though it may be tough I will get through it and keep positive. I do have moments, for instance, just last week I was on Instagram and saw a picture of a classmate with her beautiful daughter going off to church and I cried for an hour. I don’t think it was because of me not having that life but more so because I thought that that was the life I would have. It was assumed in my mind that I would get married and be a mom and neither has happened. I know no ones life is perfect and I have to find peace in my blessings. I am so fortunate in my life and I am truly grateful. It is hard for me to see the blessings sometimes because the things that I feel I should have weigh so heavy on my mind, but I don’t allow myself to stay in that place, if I did I would go a little crazy. So now on to my cardiologist and primary for clearance of surgery and then pain for the next 6 or so months. But one thing about it, what doesn’t kill me makes me stronger.