What is on my mind…

Insomnia strikes again, weird I slept from 1130 or so to 2a. I actually thought I was sleep for the night but the pain started and up I am. Wide awake, not a hint of drowsiness in sight even though I am yawning like crazy.  This is something that I wonder if it will affect a relationship. Dating absolutely not. But once I have a commitment and spending some nights with someone what will waking up in the middle of the night as if it’s 9am. Maybe separate bedrooms, is that even possible?  I think about these things at 2am

when I wake up…lol. Right now I am getting excited about the possibility of buying my own home and being able to live with my sister and binlaw, while helping her out.I say this because she has helped me so much over the years and I never thought I would be in a position to return the favor. God is GOOD!!!  That has my heart skipping a beat right now. I know this is not concrete but it just maybe meant to be and that is exciting. If it is not for me, it is not, it’s that simply. But, I am choosing to pray that it’s for me and claiming it’s mine. I do see myself in a relationship, but right now, getting a home is my relationship. I am committed and I am falling in love with this home. The break up will be hard but we aren’t breaking up, I have become a stalker…lol.  I have a great realtor, the house is overpriced, which is fabulous for my pockets. It is just about the seller understanding this and being flexible. There is an open house soon and I will submit my offer before so Lord, be with me. I am so nervous, but I am beyond ready for this. I have lived with my parents for my entire life with the exception of 3 years, 1 by myself, 2 with my sister. I am 40 now and I can take care of myself. Lupus does keep me down but it won’t keep me from obtaining my life goals. I can’t write how excited I am to be in this place right now. I have butterflies in my tummy as I type at this moment. I am back online dating and I don’t know if its going anywhere, but it is fun to just do a little communicating to see who is serious and who is not, you actually find out pretty quick. I recently had surgery on my foot so I actually may put an offer on a home without seeing the lower level, because I can’t do stairs but I don’t want to lose this home and I trust my sister and parents who will see it. In saying that, going out next week is not possible so to me it shows if a man is patient and willing to talk on the phone and do old school for awhile, maybe visit me at my parent’s home for a first date. That would say a lot about their character. But I don’t know, not really wanting to expose a date to family if it’s not necessary. God has blessed me beyond measure in my life. I have NEVER gone without, I have NEVER not had what I needed medically. My parents and sister are my guardians on earth. To now be in a position that I can do this without needing a dime of help is a phenomenal feeling. It is scary, don’t get me wrong, I am terrified, but I am ready, I am responsible with my $. I never thought getting on disability would afford me the ability to purchase a home and have a comfortable nest egg as well. My life is beginning and opening in so many ways. But, if this home isn’t my home that is ok, because my home is out there and it’s going to be
better than this one.  I am totally committed to finding a home for me and my future, whether it’s alone or with a future spouse. Right now it’s about Erika and being happy beyond belief, enjoying living, experiencing new things and finding me again. That is it, finding Erika and I promise, the man that may come into my life is getting a blessing beyond belief and hopefully I will be too.

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