It’s been a awhile.

Well well well. Where have I been? No damn where…lol. It is 1:03 am and I was just scared out of my mind because my sensor for my security system went off. So I will be wide awake for awhile I am sure. Nothing is really going on in my life exciting. I did go out for the first time in over a year. Hold the applause please. It was a rather nice affair with my sister and brother in law. I was a third wheel unfortunately. I was supposed to have a date but because of my own error it didn’t work out. I have since asked this gentleman out on a date and he accepted but has yet to call me back. ( I think we can all see how this will end) still single and hating it. I try to tell myself that being single is ok, I don’t need a man to complete me or make me happy and I do truly believe this, the thing that is hard to accept is giving up on it because it isn’t happening. I feel so deeply in my heart that I am meant to be a wife that I can’t let that notion go. I also understand that to be a wife I must first be a friend, then a girlfriend, and finally a fiancé. I do get this and I know I have to date but, I despise dating, it seems so fake and set up so unnatural. The man that my sister invited to the outing is a friend of my brother in law that he used to work with before his stroke in 2013. They hadn’t kept in touch and he had actually stopped working at the company but came back and was looking for Skip, my brother in law, he was told about his stroke. He reached out to my sister and began visiting Skip while he was recovering. Soon after my sister, brother in law and myself moved in together. His visits continued to our home. The first time I met him, honestly I wasn’t all that impressed but he seemed extremely nice and that was so refreshing to see when it came to Skip. He truly cared about Skip and wanted to help him in anyway he could. My sister truly appreciated this about him. He came over a few times and I normally wouldn’t visit with them because he was there to see Skip but one day he made known that he had a litter of puppies that he would be selling and of course I was interested in getting one. He wanted $500, which was way out of my budget so I let that dream go. One day he came over and brought two of the puppies and I was having a really bad lupus day and literally cried when I saw them and they licked my tears from my face, needless to say I was in love. I went downstairs to visit and really just see the pups and he and I had our first back and forth conversation, I have to admit he was very attractive, something I hadn’t seen before. Also, very intelligent, funny, laid back, pretty much my type of guy except for skin color, although he is black he is a high yellow complexion, which is not my preference. Most of the conversation was based on the pups and he and my sister talked about the school system in which they both work. After that visit I inquired on the pups from time to time and he lowered he price to $350, still a little high for me. Then one day he asked if I still was interested and I said yes, how much and he said on the house, you can have him. My heart melted at the thought of getting my own little fur baby. I thought his generosity was so great I couldn’t stand it. I think I offered to cook for him or do something and he said no not necessary. He brought the pup and all of his paperwork up to that point and some food as well. Maybe a few weeks after that we texted about Reece and how he was doing and asking for advice on potty training. He was very helpful in that respect. I, honestly expected him to ask me out, I felt chemistry but I must have been off because he never asked me. Then an event being sponsored by an organization that my girlfriend is president was having an affair and I wanted to go and so did my sister and brother in law so we planned to go, my sister thought, why don’t we invite Skip’s friend to go, that is cool with me so I wouldn’t be the 3rd wheel. So I sent him the information and asked if he would like to go. He called and asked a few questions and said yes, he would like to go. I told him I would call him in a few days to set up a time on the day of the event to pick us up and he agreed. That day came and I called and left a message on what I thought was his voicemail and he never called me back. On Friday, the day of the event he called and said, “what happened to my phone call”, I was shocked because I had called and then I thought, here we go again, same game, different guy, different day. I absolutely didn’t believe him and instantly was turned off. By not hearing from me he scheduled to work hours at his second job. Looking back now, I truly believe I called the wrong#. He told me that he would come by maybe over the weekend to see Skip and see how Reece had grown, he never did. A few weeks later I was talking to my sister and she said call him and ask him out. I have never in my life asked a guy out and at 40 I wasn’t going to start now, my fear of rejection had set in. But being a tad bit high on Percocet and ambien I called and got his voicemail and the message I left went a little something like this:
“Hi __________, this is Erika, I don’t know your status or if you have a girlfriend but I was wondering if you would like to go out sometime? Well, that is all give me a call”
Within 5 minutes he called back, our conversation went as follows:
“Hey Erika, this is _________, I see you called I missed it! what’s up? Me: you didn’t listen to my message? Him: No I am at work. SHIT!!! Now I have to ask him out again. I just said verbatim what I left on the voicemail as if I had written it down. But he had a few things to say. First, he said, I am to old to date. I am thinking I knew this was a mistake , he isn’t interested in me at all. So I said, how old are you? 50 he said, that isn’t to old to date I said back. Then he asked how old I was, I told him 40, he was a little quiet and said ohhhh ok, yeah sure we can do that. He was in the process of closing his store to I told him to give me a call and he said he would and I haven’t heard from him. I am not holding my breath for him to call, it would be nice but I’ve been rejected before so that is nothing new. I regretted asking him out initially but then I felt really good to have done it, I felt like I put on my big girl panties and went after what I wanted. So this is to be continued on this dating front for now. Peace.


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