The love I have received 

The past 2 months or so take me back to when I was initially going through trying to find out what was wrong with me about 20 years ago. Hospitals, tests, doctors. It was so scary and this has been no different. I’m not sure what your religious beliefs are but I am a Christian and I believe that God has already healed, He has already promised me this. My kidneys were at 11% and my docs told me they would not bounce back any higher, yet they are now 22%. This gives me faith that they will bounce up even higher. My sister thinks I will not only not need a transplant but won’t need dialysis. Her faith and belief in His word is so strong that she is claiming this miracle for me. I have started a FB page dedicated to my battle with lupus and my day to day struggles. The outpouring of love that I have received is overwhelming. My HS classmates have shocked me especially, they have gone as far as offering to be tested as a match if I do need a kidney. I have gotten numerous cards from them and the special thing is they have written notes specifically to me inside the card, which makes it so personal and shows they took,the extra time and thoughtfulness for me. 

I have felt so alone lately and for the first time I feel loved and I feel as though I have friends that love and support me. I am having my first visitor tomorrow and she is a HS girlfriend visiting on business. I am so nervous that actually as I type have butterflies in my stomach, it is so weird to feel this way about a visit but, I haven’t seen her since HS. I have only had visitors when they are surprises so I’m not prepared and don’t have time to anticipate. I’m going to try not to talk myself out of it but I’m so scared. When will I get over this fear? 

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