I hate being me, I’m fat and I’m sick. I’m alone and I’m lonely. My life is miserable and I don’t see it changing anytime soon.
It’s really been a while since I’ve written so here goes. i don’t even know where i left off but i will just begin where i am now. June 1 i had surgery, the pathology results came back verifying that i have cancer. i actually was expecting it because i had a similar growth removed and it was cancer. the difference is the location of this growth requires chemotherapy or radiation to completely get rid of the cancer. but, due to my kidney disease, chemo is risky while radiation is not. at the same time chemo is more effective and in most cases cures this type of cancer. i will see my oncologist on June 5 to go over all of this, depending on his opinion i will move forward. i may even get a second opinion at the center for cancer treatment in Atlanta. with my lupus, kidney disease, coronary artery disease, anemia, chronic pancreatitis and colon ulcers my case may be a little bit more complex than the norm. it’s scary because it’s unknown but, I’ll get thru it and honestly i see this as an extended detour that i have to take before getting back onto the main road… lol! (gotta bring laughter into the mix) my family says, you’ve been thru so much and you are so strong, i don’t really see that. i feel defeated and beaten up like an abused woman. the other day i was thinking about the fact that i have 3 medical conditions that could end my life; lupus, renal failure and cancer, it took me aback for a second and then put me in the mindset of a fighter and a survivor. i have no choice, my aunt told me a positive outlook can be the difference between surviving and not. Wait, What?!?!??????)