I hate being me, I’m fat and I’m sick. I’m alone and I’m lonely. My life is miserable and I don’t see it changing anytime soon.
It’s really been a while since I’ve written so here goes. i don’t even know where i left off but i will just begin where i am now. June 1 i had surgery, the pathology results came back verifying that i have cancer. i actually was expecting it because i had a similar growth removed and it was cancer. the difference is the location of this growth requires chemotherapy or radiation to completely get rid of the cancer. but, due to my kidney disease, chemo is risky while radiation is not. at the same time chemo is more effective and in most cases cures this type of cancer. i will see my oncologist on June 5 to go over all of this, depending on his opinion i will move forward. i may even get a second opinion at the center for cancer treatment in Atlanta. with my lupus, kidney disease, coronary artery disease, anemia, chronic pancreatitis and colon ulcers my case may be a little bit more complex than the norm. it’s scary because it’s unknown but, I’ll get thru it and honestly i see this as an extended detour that i have to take before getting back onto the main road… lol! (gotta bring laughter into the mix) my family says, you’ve been thru so much and you are so strong, i don’t really see that. i feel defeated and beaten up like an abused woman. the other day i was thinking about the fact that i have 3 medical conditions that could end my life; lupus, renal failure and cancer, it took me aback for a second and then put me in the mindset of a fighter and a survivor. i have no choice, my aunt told me a positive outlook can be the difference between surviving and not. Wait, What?!?!??????)
Originally written on March 9, 2016
“My parents have my dog right now and his name is Reece. There is a prayer group that meets a few houses away from my moms house and she was out with Reece and a woman walked up to her and told her she felt compelled to pray with her and Reece. My mom had not told her my dogs name but, my mom very well could have called out to Reece prior to the woman approaching therefore she would know that was his name. She told my mom that for some reason she feels cervical cancer in someone, she asked if Reece was my moms dog and my mom said no he’s my daughters. The woman said I need to pray for her health. My mom told her I had lupus and a number of medical issues and they proceeded to pray. I know the cervix and kidneys are relatively in the same area of the body and I just had an appointment with my gyno and forgot to mention these painful stabbing feelings I’ve been having in my lower abdomen and lower back that I just attributed to my renal failure but, now I’m wondering could it be something else. It makes me so nervous and it’s almost impossible to wait until Monday. Since hearing this from my mom I can’t help but go to negative thoughts in my mind. I call on the Lord and tell the devil to get away from me. I also have a Healing Declaration which has several scriptures promising Gods healing. Despite this, the devil creeps in my mind and I think of not surviving this battle. I ask that you all pray for me as I continue to pray for all of you. Thank you.”
I never posted this because I felt it wasn’t something worth sharing. But, with the recent health updates I felt a need to. I have cancerous tumors on my stomach and GI tract that were found within the last month or so. She said cervical cancer but she was in the correct region of my body. Thinking about it send chills down my spine. I will be having surgery to remove the three tumors next month and the doctors are sure everything will be ok. The surgery is with a scope that is placed down my throat and depending on if the tumors are attached to the 4th layer to my stomach and GI tract another surgery will have to be performed. I’m claiming that I will not need the additional surgery and that is it.