Wait, what CANCER?!?!?!?

It’s really been a while since I’ve written so here goes. i don’t even know where i left off but i will just begin where i am now. June 1 i had surgery, the pathology results came back verifying that i have cancer. i actually was expecting it because i had a similar growth removed and it was cancer. the difference is the location of this growth requires chemotherapy or radiation to completely get rid of the cancer. but, due to my kidney disease, chemo is risky while radiation is not. at the same time chemo is more effective and in most cases cures this type of cancer. i will see my oncologist on June 5 to go over all of this, depending on his opinion i will move forward. i may even get a second opinion at the center for cancer treatment in Atlanta. with my lupus, kidney disease, coronary artery disease, anemia, chronic pancreatitis and colon ulcers my case may be a little bit more complex than the norm. it’s scary because it’s unknown but, I’ll get thru it and honestly i see this as an extended detour that i have to take before getting back onto the main road… lol! (gotta bring laughter into the mix) my family says, you’ve been thru so much and you are so strong, i don’t really see that. i feel defeated and beaten up like an abused woman. the other day i was thinking about the fact that i have 3 medical conditions that could end my life; lupus, renal failure and cancer, it took me aback for a second and then put me in the mindset of a fighter and a survivor. i have no choice, my aunt told me a positive outlook can be the difference between surviving and not. Wait, What?!?!??????)

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Is she anointed???

Originally written on March 9, 2016

“My parents have my dog right now and his name is Reece. There is a prayer group that meets a few houses away from my moms house and she was out with Reece and a woman walked up to her and told her she felt compelled to pray with her and Reece. My mom had not told her my dogs name but, my mom very well could have called out to Reece prior to the woman approaching therefore she would know that was his name. She told my mom that for some reason she feels cervical cancer in someone, she asked if Reece was my moms dog and my mom said no he’s my daughters. The woman said I need to pray for her health. My mom told her I had lupus and a number of medical issues and they proceeded to pray. I know the cervix and kidneys are relatively in the same area of the body and I just had an appointment with my gyno and forgot to mention these painful stabbing feelings I’ve been having in my lower abdomen and lower back that I just attributed to my renal failure but, now I’m wondering could it be something else. It makes me so nervous and it’s almost impossible to wait until Monday. Since hearing this from my mom I can’t help but go to negative thoughts in my mind. I call on the Lord and tell the devil to get away from me. I also have a Healing Declaration which has several scriptures promising Gods healing. Despite this, the devil creeps in my mind and I think of not surviving this battle. I ask that you all pray for me as I continue to pray for all of you. Thank you.”

I never posted this because I felt it wasn’t something worth sharing. But, with the recent health updates I felt a need to. I have cancerous tumors on my stomach and GI tract that were found within the last month or so. She said cervical cancer but she was in the correct region of my body. Thinking about it send chills down my spine. I will be having surgery to remove the three tumors next month and the doctors are sure everything will be ok. The surgery is with a scope that is placed down my throat and depending on if the tumors are attached to the 4th layer to my stomach and GI tract another surgery will have to be performed. I’m claiming that I will not need the additional surgery and that is it.

sick sick sick

Sometimes I ask myself, why me? Then I think is that selfish of me to ask that question? I think it’s only human and God understands. I’ve been in the hospital a lot lately and after not having been in there but once a year or so lately, it’s a reminder of just how sick lupus can make me. My appearance has changed, I’ve gained weight, and my mood and personality is altered as well. I find myself snapping at my mom all of the time and she is the one that takes care of me. She prepares my meals and makes sure I’m following my renal diet, low carb diet, and low fat diet. I’m preparing my body for when I may need a kidney transplant because being overweight is an issue that will put you lower on the list to receive one.its frustrating because I’ve been on this diet for about 2 months and I haven’t lost a pound. I have a lot of bloating and swelling in my feet so that keeps me “heavy” in a sense. I’m not even cheating…lol. I just expect to see results on the scale. My BP is great and my blood sugar is stable, it’s still high but, not as high as it had been. All of this is due to my eating habits. It has been hard to kick my candy habit. I do chew a piece of bubble gum at night while my mom sleeps, we sleep together. I had to kick my dad out and I don’t want to be in my old bedroom because I’m so unsteady on my feet I need to in here with her. Also, since I fainted she really wants to be with me. I’m getting better day by day and I’m hoping to be back home next week, thank you Jesus!!!!! I want to be home in my bed with my things, my kitchen, my couch and just my life. It’s difficult because even though my sister is there she is on her side of the house and we rarely see each other except in the kitchen most times. She says she will help me so it should work out. I’m just terrified of fainting again. I also want to be back to myself when I return home and I know I won’t be and my parents will be over everyday checking on me. I’m such a baby because if they don’t think I’m ready I will probably stay a little longer. But, my home has no stairs so I’ll be able to get around easily as long as I take my time. Moving to another subject, I have an appointment with my kidney doc Wednesday and I’m curious as to what our next steps are and what my most recent labs showed. I’m praying my creatinine is still lowering and my function is increasing. In most cases it’s a waiting game for results and it drives me crazy, waiting by the phone to ring with good or bad news. Lately it’s been more bad than good. I had a ERD I think that is what it’s called. A long tube with a camera goes down my throat and it views my pancreas but while down there I had lesions on my stomach so biopsies were taken of them so I’m anxiously awaiting those results. I got a call today on my voicemail from a doc office I’m not familiar with stating I’ll need to schedule a EUS or EUD to go back down my throat, no one mentioned this to me in the hospital and the docs name wasn’t someone I knew, I’ll call tomorrow to get clarification. It is 3:33am and this is the second night of no sleep for me. My mom says just close your eyes and fall asleep, if only it were that simple. I still don’t think she fully understands insomnia. If you can sleep during the day why can’t you sleep at night, is what she says. I really don’t get it myself but, it’s real and I’ve read definitions online but, her questions throw me off and I have no answers. She’s laying beside me silently sleeping and I am so happy I still have her here to love on me and I know the time will come when our roles change in each other’s lives. Yes, I will find my energy and do whatever needs to be done along with my sister to make sure she and my dad have every single thing they need well into their 100’s, yes I’m claiming it, that I will have them both that long. I’m just cherishing the time I have now. I stare at both of them a lot as if I don’t want to forget what they look like…lol.  Hart to Hart is on tv right now, I love it, along with Matlock and Columbo, that was random. Well that is all for now, I will post again when I get results or get proper clarification of the new procedure, or just want to type. Take care all of my followers and thank you so much for simply being interested in my life. Love.