The love I have received 

The past 2 months or so take me back to when I was initially going through trying to find out what was wrong with me about 20 years ago. Hospitals, tests, doctors. It was so scary and this has been no different. I’m not sure what your religious beliefs are but I am a Christian and I believe that God has already healed, He has already promised me this. My kidneys were at 11% and my docs told me they would not bounce back any higher, yet they are now 22%. This gives me faith that they will bounce up even higher. My sister thinks I will not only not need a transplant but won’t need dialysis. Her faith and belief in His word is so strong that she is claiming this miracle for me. I have started a FB page dedicated to my battle with lupus and my day to day struggles. The outpouring of love that I have received is overwhelming. My HS classmates have shocked me especially, they have gone as far as offering to be tested as a match if I do need a kidney. I have gotten numerous cards from them and the special thing is they have written notes specifically to me inside the card, which makes it so personal and shows they took,the extra time and thoughtfulness for me. 

I have felt so alone lately and for the first time I feel loved and I feel as though I have friends that love and support me. I am having my first visitor tomorrow and she is a HS girlfriend visiting on business. I am so nervous that actually as I type have butterflies in my stomach, it is so weird to feel this way about a visit but, I haven’t seen her since HS. I have only had visitors when they are surprises so I’m not prepared and don’t have time to anticipate. I’m going to try not to talk myself out of it but I’m so scared. When will I get over this fear? 

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Yes, you can come visit me

This is what I have decided to tell all of my friends that want to come see me. I can’t remain in a bubble and not allow myself the pleasure of socializing. I’m tired of hiding behind fear. I told myself that 2016 was going to,be different and so far I haven’t changed from 2015. I’m letting fear run my life and hiding behind lupus. I’ve started a FB page dedicated to my lupus journey and giving updates as they occur as well as daily activities in my life. I truly doubt anyone is interested but I’ve had close to 30 of my friends join and like the page so we will see. My sissy told me I need to make my posts shorter and not articles so I will work on that. My first visitor is my bff from junior and HS and I can’t wait to see her. Love.